Cluster Column

You Shouldn’t Vote If…

By Jeff Scott

 

            Before I start, I know that by the time you read this Super Tuesday will have come and gone, and many of you will have voted.  Such is the unfortunate limitation of a biweekly newspaper.  My advice to you would be to clip this column out and keep it around until November and beyond.  The words will be just as wise, if not as relevant, as they are now.

             I frequently am asked “who should I vote for on election day?”  When I am asked, I usually impart my wisdom upon the asker and move on; however, a better question to ask would probably be “should I vote on election day?”  Most Americans are incapable of making an informed enough decision to be allowed to vote.  Personally, I think you should have to pass a yearly test of knowledge of American history and the Constitution, with a special focus on the legitimate purposes of government, to be allowed to vote that year.  I also think that you should have a stake in the way that tax dollars are spent; you should be a net positive, rather than a net negative, to the public treasury to be eligible to vote at all (the exception is members of the military who, rather than contributing their dollars, are putting their lives on the line in defense of the United States).  The concept is simple enough; if you are contributing to the money that government spends, then as a shareholder you get a vote (after all, that is your money).  If you are just suckling at the government teat, then you should not be allowed to vote.  Why should you be allowed to vote yourself somebody else’s money?  This, of course, would change from year to year (and be eliminated completely with the implementation of the FairTax).

            With those two ideas in mind, and attempting to prevent the ignorant masses from voting, I give you the following rules about voting:

            If you are a Muslim, then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you think the United States is a democracy, then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you think that you have a constitutional right to vote for President, then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you care more about Britney Spears’ mental state than that of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, you shouldn’t vote.

            If you have absolutely no clue who Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is, much less how to pronounce his name, you shouldn’t vote.

            If you think that the government has a constitutional responsibility to provide food stamps, housing, retirement, education, healthcare, heating oil, et al. to its people, then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you think that the government has constitutional authority to take money from its citizens to provide food stamps, housing, retirement, education, healthcare, heating oil, et al. to its people, then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you think that tax cuts for the rich are unfair, but do not know how much of the tax burden is paid by the so-called “rich,” then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you refuse to vote for Hillary Clinton because she’s a woman or because her name is Clinton; Barack Obama because he’s black or because you think he might be a Muslim; or Mitt Romney because he’s a Mormon, then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you want to vote for Hillary Clinton because she’s a woman or because her name is Clinton; Barack Obama because he’s black; Mike Huckabee because he’s a preacher or because he has been endorsed by Chuck Norris and Ric Flair; Mitt Romney because he’s a Mormon; or John McCain because he’s a war hero, then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you think that John McCain is a conservative, then you shouldn’t vote.

            If you vote for a candidate based on looks (especially you former John Edwards supporters), then you shouldn’t vote.

            I think that makes a pretty comprehensive list to weed out most of the ignorant people in the United States.  Fortunately for them, ignorance is fixable.  A good place to start is by taking an Introduction to American Government class from Mercer’s own esteemed political science department.  Another excellent place to turn is my radio show, where I attempt to fix ignorance every day.

            By the way, the line about Muslims was a joke, meant only to stir the pot among those who think I am a racist anyway.  Let’s see how many immediately stopped reading to send me an e-mail or death threat without reading through to the end.  If you sent me a hate mail about it without getting this far, then you shouldn’t vote either.

 

Jeff Scott is the host of the Jeff Scott Show, which airs every MWF 11am-1pm on Mercer Radio (radio.mercer.edu).